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Each week I'd visit and sit for a while on a little folding stool and hold a conversation – imaginary, but somehow real – with my dead love. I would keep an eye on the little meadow and pull out the occasional dandelion, thistle or willowherb, then, twice a year, mow it down and rake off the 'hay'. I had to explain to the cemetery gardener why I didn't want it trimmed every week; the flowers had to mature and seed, or do whatever they were supposed to do in order to return the following year, but he understood and was happy to leave that one grave to me to tend.Time passed, erratically, for me on my own. Our children were married and living elsewhere – one in Cornwall, another in Cumbria. Convenient for holidays, to be sure, but even with frequent phone calls, another reason to be lonely. At least Chris got to see them marry and held our first grandchildren in her arms before her life was cut short and mine was devastated.It would be five years after her death; the little meadow was. It's been too long since my body has been subjected to this and white hot fits of pain stretch from my ass into every crevice of my writhing body. How could I have begged for this moments ago? Did it always hurt like this? I try to swallow the scream, to form words like please, fuck, or stop but there is too much chaos in the pain and my words spill out in pitiful whimpers. “Shh sweetie,” I hear your disembodied voice comforting from somewhere outside the pain. “This is what you asked for. You know your words.” The tone in your voice is one that reminds me to be brave, if you were worried I couldn’t take it you would ask me what my words were, expect me to repeat them back. You know me so well that way. I can take it and more to the point I fucking need it. I take a deep breath, your cock still stretching my hole open, and melt into the hurt, telling you with my body that I’m ready. “Good girl.” The next thrust comes down violently, followed quickly by four more of the same, each.
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