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I?d been the last to know and that rare CD had been something she?d taken for spite. I let it sit and pulled away, determined to never speak to her again.I hadn?t asked a lot, just some play-acting and a little dress-up maybe once a month, and she?d even asked to do it for me the last time. My submissive moments had clearly been too much for her though, and she?d started looking around for a ?real man?Men aren?t supposed to have fantasies of submission, don?t you know. Even if we act macho ninety percent of the rest of the time. Men like me feel guilty about it, hide it, feel pretty bad about it when rejected and even when not.I pulled into my driveway of my new house. We?d sold the old one, she?d taken a lump sum, and I?d opted for this one out in the country edge of town, a few neighbors, but not so close on the country road with the big mailboxes out front and the farmer?s field across the way. With the move down, I felt like I was starting over and didn?t have bills. In fact, I. I awoke with my head on his chest feeling oddly content. I hurried outof the bed when I realized where I was. My hasty movements woke Derek.He noticed my unease, but he did not say anything. I told him to justrelax and sleep a few more hours while I would go get ready for work inmy room.I walked into my room and woke, Karen. She looked up at me with a smileand said, "Gave Derek a layover, huh?"I blushed, put my head down and walked into the bathroom. I showeredand put my makeup on for the day ahead before Karen got out of bed anddid the same. I watched the BBC as I waited to leave for the airport. Iwondered what would greet me when I got home. I wondered if the dealwent through. After a while though, I could only ponder what hadhappened to my life. Karen's punishment had served as my awakening. Iwas aware of things about myself I had tried to suppress and hide from.I couldn't any longer. As much as I wanted it not to be true, I knew Iwould never be the man that I remembered. That mask.
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