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Now I am 18 and he is 22. It was very difficult to tell at first, if he was into me, he seemed to be flirting, or maybe he was just being very friendly. When he would touch me, I would get butterflies, and I had to fight not to stare at his beautiful golden skin. I was thinking to myself all night long: “What is your problem? I must be going crazy”. He would play with me all the time and find little ways to touch me, whether it was poking me in my belly, stroking my arm when we was standing next to me, or rubbing my back when walking pass. This is how he changed me: he’s my first cousin, so I could not be open about how much I wanted him, and I could not open up to anyone about my feelings for him. I wanted him so badly, maybe even more because I couldn’t have him. The night after Thank giving, I had gone to my bed thinking about him. And that night I had the hottest dream I have ever had in my life. In my dream I was lying in my bed just as I had gone to in real. "Think of yourself and," then sheput her hand on my belly, "the baby." With that, I collapsed in tearsinto her arms. My mind was racing. Did I want this baby, Jamie? Itwas all too much.After I don't know how long, I stopped crying and Siggy said that shewas going to take me home. I asked her to take me to a hotel. I lookedat the bar and my stomach flipped. The alcohol had worn off and I wasnauseous.While Siggy went for our coats, I stared at the ground. I was lost inthought when I felt something slip into the pocket of my t-shirt. Ifelt a shiver of pleasure as his hand brushed lightly against the breastof my bodysuit. I looked up and Felix stood over me, smiling. "Whoeverhe is, he's not worth it." Somewhere in the back of my mind, the stupidpart, I felt like I should defend Jamie, but thought better of it."I'm serious though," he said. "If you want out of Reyjavik and want toearn some money, call me."I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked more closely at him. He had.
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