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She was married, and from what I could determine from our emails, was surviving in her own way in her own world. She was comfortable and had a good family but there was something missing in her life too. She was reaching. I was reaching. And at 1:00PM we would meet at the car wash next door.I was watching the passing traffic with growing interest, as the clock stretched toward 1:00PM. After the oil had been changed in my car I drove next door and chose the car wash bay at the rear of the lot. Already I was thinking of not being seen by a neighbor of mine or one of hers. As I washed my car, again in the same spot, I watched for the white Mitsubishi to arrive. In my mind I tossed about ideas of what I would do or say when we met. Part of me wanted to grab her and kiss her like she was a long lost lover. Then the rational part of me took over and voted not to lust.She was late. It was 1:15PM and I had almost worn a hole through the paint in the spot I was washing. I decided to dry what. ”“Aw, c’mon!” He tried to stop laughing but failed. I watched as he swept a hand down his face and pressed it to his mouth. He couldn’t stop. His whole body shook. His leg was pressing against the coffee table and the glasses on top shook too, clinking into one another. He elbowed me, trying to make me join in. It was all I could do to contain myself. I breathed in through my nose, set down my glass and stood up.“You’re the worst.” I said.“Aw, don’t go!”He caught my wrist and pulled me down but too far towards him so I ended up falling sideways onto his lap. He stopped laughing long enough to kiss me. He blew smoke into my mouth, and bit hard on my lip.“I was only playing,” he said. He sucked on his cigarette again and blew the smoke into my face, his eyes never leaving mine.I didn’t speak.“Do you wanna fuck?” he asked. The question felt surprisingly soft and appropriate but I still didn’t say anything. I thought of him at the train station, his hand gripping my arm. What if? What if.
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