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It was all good news, but this additional reminder of Theo's death triggered a deep ache. The details had dragged on and on, but because she hadn't needed the money, she had kept it all out of mind. Now, it was done, and many of the feelings she had thought put aside welled up within.She felt the anger, of course. The anger that Theo's assumption of her infidelity had brought him to his desperate end. But that made no more sense today than it had when Theo died. She was certain he had known she had never failed in her promise - to herself as well as to him - to be faithful. While they had never discussed it, she had made it clear throughout their courtship and marriage that she would always be faithful in the traditional sense, even though they joked about her confessed attraction to many of the men she met. She assumed he also had had temptations to which he had not yielded. It had made no sense for him to kill himself over a single telephone call. Yet, when she had expressed her. That makes me smile for a moment. ‘Only if you want. I’m just. . . Before I had kids. . .’ That’s a sentence that’s going nowhere, so I try again. ‘I’m just having a week where it feels like every day is harder to get through than the day before.’ ‘Something happen?’ ‘No, it’s something with me.’ And then I talk. I tell you about the frustration of being on my own over a year with the kids and suddenly realizing I have no idea where the wound disinfectant is in my own apartment. Or the depression of realizing that I was getting angry at my Marlene for not putting the band-aids back where they belong, and then realizing that she’s dead and I’m just being a dick. And then you’re behind me. I don’t know when you stood up, but you did. Do you know that it’s easier for me to talk when I can’t see you? Or do you just think that the back rub is really necessary. ‘Am I whining?’ I sigh. ‘I didn’t want to whine.’ ‘No,’ I can hear you smiling behind me. ‘I like to hear about you. I like.
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