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I don’t want to remember the broken promises… that stain like cloying lies. Have you nothing to say? * * * ‘Do you dream about me? Tell me your truth. Do you dream I am with you?’ Where else would I go? How could I not dream about you? Did you think I’d found someone else? Sometimes I really believe you are here. That I’ll wake in the morning and everything will be just as it was. But there is no going back… nowhere we can return to… and even if we could, it was all just a masquerade… a sick joke played at our expense… Did you consider that? All our time together was an illusion… there was no future… not for me… not for us. And I can’t face you. I never had your strength, or your courage. You were ever the binding that held me, without you I’ve fallen apart. Dreaming is not enough… not when I wake in the dark burning for your touch… not when I long to hear your breath in the still of the night and to feel your face on my shoulder and your hair caressing my chest. Even when you slept. Her chin was quivering. I'd never seen that in an adult. She had been cheerful and confident and outgoing. Now she was terrified, trying not to cry, swallowing hard, and she looked so vulnerable that I fell in love with her right then.I liked her and would have liked to fuck her, but I didn't want to love her. Nonetheless, it happened. I could almost stand outside of myself and watch the transformation, and amidst everything else that was happening at the same moment I made out a mocking comment from some odd corner of my mind: In love with a lesbian? Why not just shoot yourself?"What I thought?"It was time to take a chance. Carpe diem."What I thought was that you were beautiful. The two of you were, but especially you. I didn't think anything bad of you."The ship's horn sounded, a deep, deep blast, almost overwhelming when you stood too close. It vibrated through bodies and drowned out everything. But it gave me time to think. Then:"Maybe for a moment, just for a moment, I felt.
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