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This was Pete, and Scott and Chalmers and the kid atthe video game store and every man who ever stared at me because theywanted me. I understand this woman who always looks her best, whowants to be admired, because I am her. In trying to understand her, Iunderstood why I was standing here in all this makeup, this dress,these painful shoes -- why I was so desperate to be Ellen. That I wasthe best Ellen Bennet there was.As I near the end of my speech my hand drifts towards the buttons onmy dress, fingering them as I speak, as I became this woman who wasready to give herself to this young man. On the last line, I pop oneof the buttons and stop. All I can hear is my breathing, all I canfeel is the weight of my breasts rising and falling. I look at the twomen watching me -- they're holding their breath, their gaze fixed onthe remaining, straining button."Well, I hope that was okay," I say lightly, smiling at them andletting air back into the room. I take two steps towards them. I realize its going to get awfully crowded up here. They are everywhere from their 30s to what must be 50s in age. There is a younger black guy and the rest are white men. Its funny how you assess men differently when you know that in couple of seconds you will be performing sex acts on them! I don’t really have to act as I feel my body go into fight or flight mode and I instinctively turn as if I am going to run but my mind is still in control and I turn it into acting, spinning in panic as if I’m cornered. The men are on me in an instant and hands are on my dress, pulling me into a circle of arms. There is a loud tear and somehow my dress is pulled in half tearing down the back and then pulled off my arms and front. I shriek in real panic as the boys hold my arms and waste and lift me off my feet to hold me out to the crowd displaying me in my shoes, stockings, bra, and panties. Then my bra is ripped off my front, exposing my boobs. I shriek in real discomfort because.
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