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00. He was not what she expected. Dressed smartly in suit he looked like a dull accountant. After the introductions, she took him through to the lounge, got the tea and biscuits and sat down to find out if he was going to help her in more ways than one! ‘I was interested in your glamour photography background, Andrew. You said you made a lot of money in glamour photography. How so?’‘To be frank Helen, it would be wrong to use the word, glamour. I would class it as more erotic. I may be completely wrong, Helen, but I got the feeling from you ad that that is the type of pics you would like to pose for? If I am wrong, I am very sorry’.That took her by surprise – a very pleasant one. ‘Yes, Andrew, I will own up to that. To you it might seem really unconventional for an oap to want to be sexually desired. But that is the absolute truth. I won’t go into details why I need the photos, but suffice to say, I want to find out if I can attract men to fulfil my specific needs’. Andrew immediately. But I’m tired. I’m so tired. My soul is drained, and there’s nothing left to give. Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make someone feel things, or make them want to provide what I need. They either will, or they won’t. People are drawn to me. Men especially. But I’ve only met two people in my life who just did not like me, and that was okay, because I found them despicable anyway. They were not good people. They were not kind people, or even honest people. If a person has redeeming qualities, or is trying to become better, I respect.
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