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’ A ‘Shoshana’ file on my computer held her deliciously warm and readable emails. Was I smitten? What do you think? After dinner at a Malaysian restaurant in late December, before she left for a family gathering, I surprised Shoshana with a Hanukkah gift, a two-CD set of Cajun and Zydeco music, reflecting our interest in world music and her knowledge of French. She called me from an airport a few days later to thank me. I doubt she understood what a huge emotional leap I had to make to buy her a gift. Or, given what followed, perhaps she understood my gesture all too well and it frightened her. I heard nothing while Shoshana was away, but that didn’t surprise me, given the press of family matters, distance, and the decompression of recent divorce. As I initially wrote to her, we could take things as fast or slow as she wanted. New Year’s Eve passed, the work week started. No calls, no post card, nothing. I sent her an email with the jaunty subject line, ‘Welcome back from the land. That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted the initial blame for the start of her affair with Jerry and how I could have let that go and started afresh but although I still loved her with a passion I could not see us getting on the right road again, I ended the email by reminding her that she was strong enough to get her life back on track and how I would always support her when she needed me as I signed off the email I was crying.The next day there was no reply from Amanda and none again the following day, on the 3rd day she had sent a email saying she was coming to savannah arriving on Friday, she had booked a local hotel, close to where I was staying and begged me to meet her at the airport or at least get someone she could trust to meet her as she knew from the internet that savannah could be a dangerous.
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