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What exactly did that look like? How does one dominate another? Where does one find someone willing?The writing began, and his character was bold and took a chance. Before too long, the man on the pages was living out the author's fantasies of dominance, creativity, and fulfillment of control that, quite honestly, he could only write about. The years of unfulfilled sex left him wondering if he was desirable. Wondering if he still had "it".An online group for fans of erotica proved to be a safe place to test the waters to an unknown audience who also shared an affinity for kink. The response was startling. Women praised him. Excitement began to build. The words of affirmation ignited a desire to continue to produce. He began to wonder if he could be the lover the character he created was.One fan in particular was of great interest as she described being drawn in, experiencing the emotions of the submissive in the story, wanting desperately to be controlled in that manner herself. The. I relive that moment a lot. Especially now. I can't tell this without crying. As I write these words my eyes are so blurry I have to correct a lot and I have to stop. Please God, whoever you are, I'll do anything for one more day with her. I did that at work a lot. When they saw me they'd pull me aside and I'd get a lot of hugs and pats. I'd pull out of it and do what I had to because they depended on me and I couldn't let them down. So I just kept on keeping on, or however that goes. I just drifted, I wasn't living. God I was one maudlin son-of-a-bitch for a while and had no interest in women. The only thing that really kept me kind of centered was an on-line meeting site I'd found, Lush. They published stories so I started to write about sex and liked it. I could talk out my feelings and get a lot of nice compliments. Nice criticism too which I was never anything but grateful for. I met some very nice people and one became a very close friend. A marvelous black lady that really.
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