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" No, I'm not, darling." How not, for Heaven's sake?" I vowed to be faithful unto her as long as we both shall live. I have been and will be. If I had gone out and paid some slut for sex that would have been unfaithfulness because I would have been saying that my wife was insufficient to me. I didn't. I made love to you because I have grown to love you as I love a lot of people for whom I would do anything I could to help them if they needed it. What you've got to understand, darling, is that I love you and therefore will do all I reasonably can for you as long as you want me to. What I am not is in love with you. I am not binding myself to you for life or expecting you to do the same to me. That's where being married comes in." OK! I think I can understand that but what about your wife's feelings?" No problem. She will understand that what I have done and will do is to go on loving you and helping you to the best of my ability as long as you need me. She might even tease me that I. Where is this leading me? Why me? What does it all mean?Ed's waking thoughts were much more anchored in the present than his dreaming ones these days. Today the sleep field would hold him in ignorant nothingness while the knives worked again to change him.The surgeries had been nothing compared to some he'd had in the past. Ed didn't sense any pain. He hadn't slowed down any, as far as he could tell, and JC would have told him if he had. His balance was the same, his reaction times unchanged. He knew that would change soon, when the tests began, but for now he felt good about his state of being. He folded his thoughts through himself and into the place he was able to go now, even waking, where he could see the flowers on the field, and dance with them, and sing their song.I feel JC coming along with me now. Sense his eyes behind mine, seeing the great plain and the flowers stretching out and beyond. Again the dust is on my feet and the Sun on my back. Through the dust and beyond the.
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