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"Front and center, please." Me?" the squirrel squeaked. "Me?" Two seconds later the tree rat wassitting on my windowsill. "How can I help, unicorn?"I tested something else. I opened my hand and watched half a dozenpeanuts appear in my palm. "You can pass these out."Two more squirrels scrambled up to my window. "Can we help? Can wehelp?" No, but thanks." I tossed a couple handfuls of nuts out the window andgot rid of the rodents. I opened a notebook on my desk and jotted downa note. If I had to learn this job I had better keep notes. Rules, Ineeded some sort of guidelines about this and the first had to be -Unicorn rule number one: don't feed squirrels.I wandered out to the kitchen and immediately found unicorn rule numbertwo: don't eat meat."I'm going to out this evening," Mom said from behind me. She held out atwenty-dollar bill. "You want to call out for pizza?" Yeah, that's great. And a movie?" Okay, but -- I'd better make the call. What do you want?" All veggies for me. I think. “I’m forty.”“I know. What’s that got to do with anything?”“Nothing. It’s not just that you want to fuck a film star?” She looked affronted which made me feel ridiculous and ashamed. I waved a hand, “I’m sorry. It can make you paranoid.”“I’ll go and let you think.”“No, please. Stay. I’m really sorry.” I took a deep breath. “Right, well, the thing is I’ve fancied you from the moment I first saw you which is a bad basis for a working relationship. You’re too good looking for your own good, you’re, you’re….” I couldn’t find the words.“I’m not going to be your minder. If you need me and I can help, then I’ll be delighted. If we have some sex that we both enjoy, that’s a delightful added bonus. If we fall in love, well, we do. If we don’t, the same. I won’t be a cry baby and I’m bloody sure you wont be either. You know what, it could be fun.”Now, you who have patiently followed my rather random revelations may well know that I longed for a long-term partner. I’d just.
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