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25 cents. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers “The wife did it”.A man stood outside his house after a bitter divorce and noticed a crate of beer bottles. He took out an empty bottle and smashed it onto the wall swearing “You are the reason I don’t have a wife”. He smashed the second bottle “You are the reason I don’t have children”. He smashed the third bottle “You are the reason I don’t have a job”. When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still SEALED and filled with beer. He said to the bottle “YOU STAND ASIDE, I KNOW YOU WERE NOT INVOLVED”.An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself “Oh God, I’m fucked”. Suddenly there is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out “No, you are not fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you”. So the explorer. He knew exactly what he was doing."Close your eyes and take one deep, slow hit." He told me. "Very slow, like you're barely even breathing. Then hold it until I say you can release."I obeyed without hesitation. With one nostril covered I proceeded to take the deepest, longest, slowest hit of my life. Once my lungs were full, I held my breath and replaced the cap on the bottle with my eyes still closed. The effects were immediate, and intense. My favorite thing about poppers is the way they heighten all of those dirty little sex feelings. A good hit of poppers could turn me on in a church full of screaming babies on Easter Sunday. In this case I was already aroused beyond belief, and the massive hit nearly caused me to pass out with excitement. All of my senses went numb and the world around me melted away as I drifted off towards nirvana. Somewhere in the distance I heard a voice."Exhale."The sensations intensified further as I released the air in my lungs. In that instant I achieved.
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