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Ahead of him candlelight flickered against the stone walls of an old stairway leading down. Beneath him he heard a voice speaking in an unfamiliar tongue. It sounded like Figg, but Doug couldn't understand what he was saying.Surely he wasn't stupid enough to really believe that black arts stuff, Doug thought. What was he trying to do, summon the devil to protect his ass? Doug would have laughed at how ridiculous the idea was if he wasn't so pissed.He needed to laugh at them. His blood was running seriously hot at the moment. He was steamed at what they'd done to his car, but he needed to temper that rage. They weren't worth going to jail over. A few bruises would be enough to get the message across. He imagined them cowering below, desperately trying to summon up Lord Satan. It was pathetic.He stomped into the candlelit room. Figg was standing next to an old candelabra. He was holding a sheaf of yellowed old pages, each in its own plastic sheet protector. Standing by him was his. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when.
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