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She’d read it a thousand times already. She reached out to take it up again, but then she jerked her hand back. She wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t let herself wallow in her grief and misfortunate—and her shame. She had to get out of the house—into the sunshine or the shade or a pretty garden. It didn’t matter what. She just needed to try to do something she wasn’t now doing to lift her spirits. Maybe if she made a lunch she could take out into the park in the square. A picnic. She decided it was worth a try. She’d take the doll and do some fancy embroidery on the gown it was wearing—or maybe fashion something regal to pin into the doll’s elaborate white powdered coiffure. The bag lady was occupying the bench with the best mix of sunlight and shade when Ginny entered the park. This was no surprise, of course, but the woman didn’t make any gesture of moving enough to one side for Ginny to sit there too. So Ginny sat on a bench facing the woman. Fed by a cry for human contact deep inside. Pillow to bite down on, just in case things got loud? Check. Sitting on my bed i sat there patiently searching for a good porn video, i was hoping it would help. Good night! Screamed my mothers voice down the stairs. Night, love you! I hollered back, hoping that there wasnt a hint of suspicion in my voice. As i watched the stairwell intently, i watched as the lights upstairs flicked off, leaving the only light coming from my room to seep into the new darkness. I turned a movie on on my t.v. just so no one would hear any noises upstairs, went and sat at my computer and put my headphones in. I peered at my screensaver and got lost in a short thought, How did it happen that i have to resort to this?. On the screensaver was a picture of me from a few days ago. My long, red, wavy hair slightly lifted by the wind, blue eyes bright with the bright contrast of the snow, my pale skin a little off contrast from my surroundings. I thought i was pretty, and my bod sexy. I pulled off the only.
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