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I was so thrilled, so overwhelmed with the sensation of not being alone anymore, that I refused to acknowledge any future which didn’t involve us together – not a good philosophy. I think I was tired of being around her a year into the relationship. We got married a year after that. Then were on again off again miserable for the next five years. After that ended, I spent some time remembering how to be me. I had warped myself into whatever shape fit my ex’s likes and dislikes just to keep the relationship smooth (Ha). I still found myself with prejudices I didn’t remember having. It took time to remember how to be honest with myself. I found a few of my old insecurities creeping in as I did, but with age came an increased ability to face and address my fears. Irrational fears are just that — irrational. If you can dig a hole, logically, in something you fear, you take power from it. I learned to use my extremely linear, logic-driven though process to dissect fears and prove they. We got in the car and headed back home relatively in silence. As I dropped Gwen off I said, “Tell me how it works, I may have to get one of those myself.” Gwen sighed slightly as she said, “I doubt I will try it tonight.” I said, with just a bit of a dominant tone, “Oh you are using it tonight. I want details. I didn’t spend all that money for your new pleasure toy to sit in your nightstand.” “Um,” she hesitated. “No ums Gwen,” I said confidently, “Promise me you will use it tonight.” “Fine,” she said, giving in like I thought she would, “I’ll use it on myself.” “Good,” I said, “I want to know if I should get myself one, now that I have a fifty percent discount.” Gwen shook her head, “How do you always get so lucky?” I smiled, “You can get lucky like that too. Gwen, you just have to know how to talk the talk, flirt the flirt and flaunt the flaunt.” Gwen began to get out of the car as I finished, “Tomorrow night, I am picking you up and we are going to Le Chateau Club.” Gwen looked.
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