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Fuck. I realize they are home, and have the first little mini panic at the riskiness of what we had just done. I can hear the k**s before I get to the door and shake my head. Mixed between, I will never do it again and when-and-where can we go to be alone and do it again, is the constant - No One Can Ever Know. I will lie, baldfaced lie to ever let anyone know, to ever hurt Nick, or my family, or my/our life. Is there a price for sin? Do we pay for our sins? The crazy thing is I never once felt guilty. Until, this moment, I am looking at my two little ones throwing their arms around me calling "Mommy!!"God will sort it all out later. Right now, I just have to live my life. I ask the k**s and they tell me Dad is home. Fuck, he was home too? I have dinner and groceries, and Dave is somewhere in the house. This moment of, did he see? Calculating angles from the upstairs windows. It will be like this now. I am thinking of my husband - finally - and I suddenly miss him and want to feel. I did find out a bit more about her however, she was 25, I have to admit I thought she was older than that, and that she had known the guy she was about to marry all her life. His parents and her parents had adjoining farms and it had always been known they would marry. By the sound of things both families were "old money" and owned a great deal of property around Christchurch. She had had a girls' night out with her friends a few nights earlier, but was starting to realize her life had been very insular and protected. Then she floored me by coming straight out and admitting she had never been with another man and at the last minute had decided she needed to rectify this. “I could help out there too,” I offered, giving her a cheeky wink, which thank goodness, made her smile. “But let’s leave that for now, you may find someone far more to your liking as the night goes on.” As we talked and I kept the jokes flowing to make her laugh, a thought started growing in my head. Mostly it.
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