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"You mean, she doesn't have you," he said to me and returned my kiss. Ismiled back at him and we continued walking. Dressed as I was, I thinkI'd have been annoyed if anyone mistook me for a boy. How times hadchanged, I thought and smiled. Out of the blue Sam told me of his plansto get his hair cut off for the summer. He used the excuse that itwouldn't be right to go to baseball camp with hair as long as his own. Ilooked at him sadly and told him that I'd always loved his long hair. "Well Joan, you've got long hair now. Do something pretty with it forme." I smiled at his comment and considered telling him of my plannedtrip to the beauty parlor. I decided at length that it would be asurprise. "I guess the next time we play 'boy/girl' you'll have to shout out 'boy'when the first wave takes you," he said to me and laughed. I laughed withhim imagining him calling me "John" after being knocked down by a roguewave. He seemed to be growing more comfortable in the male role of. Diane and I were both different people since the divorce. She was still living a life of celibacy. That I didn’t understand at all. I had never asked that of her and it pissed me off when I thought about it. If it wasn’t for her infidelity we’d still be together. It’s like closing the barn door after the horses have escaped. I didn’t know if she was doing it to show me she could be loyal or if she had given up sex all together? She told me once that men didn’t interest her anymore, that she was going to devote her life to our kids. That’s admirable, of course, but it also made me question what life with her would be like again. We didn’t make love at all for the last two years of our marriage. On numerous occasions I tried talking to her but she was always so ambivalent. She would tell me it was a phase she was going through, that she would eventually snap out of it. One time she said it had something to do with her step-father but couldn’t explain it. I put up with it for.
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