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”“Indeed, I wondered why she fornicated so delightfully,” I explained, “We have no fondness for each other.”“None what so ever,” Camelia agreed.“I am merely conjoining to procreate an heir,” I added.“A male heir, if I fail I shall of course lay again until I produce one.” Camelia added.“Over my dead body,” Mother snapped, “You strumpet!”“I wouldn’t call him a strumpet,” Camelia replied.“Not him, you, you hussy,” Mother snapped back, “And you can go, go far away and never come back.” “Actually mother,” I reminded her. “Firstly It’s my house and if anyone is going anywhere it is you to the Dower House, and second you have done nothing but nag me about producing an heir for as long as I can remember, so why do you still complain.” “Geoffrey you are a complete idiot,” Mother snapped, “Get inside now and you,” she said pointing at Camelia, “Be gone.”“No, come I shall show you your new home,” I suggested,“Look,to be serious one moment,” Camelia insisted, “It was a moment of insanity, I used. " You mean wear a proper shirt? Again? That'll be twice in a month. People will start to worry about you." Let them worry. I may prefer to slob about in jeans, but if I'm taking a lady out I have to do it right."We settled into our cuddle and didn't speak again until it was time to get ready. As I sat there cradling my mum in my arms I was happy, warm and relaxed. Surely nothing could feel better than being close to the person I loved most in the world.I had been ready for a good fifteen minutes when the cab arrived. I waved out of the window to let the driver know I'd seen him. When I turned to call out to my mother she was coming down the stairs."Wow, Mum!" "What do you reckon?" she asked uncertainly, giving me a twirl as she reached the hall."You look amazing... Like a different person." Think it's appropriate?" she asked, still a little doubtful."Hell, yes." I hesitated. "You look..." What? Like I'm trying too hard? Like mutton dressed as lamb?" Well, please don't be offended... I.
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