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I'd have worried about myself, if I hadn't had like 5 boyfriends at that time. When Stud! would reject my attentions, I'd call a guy up and ask him if I got him excited and they always said yeah. They'd come by and get me and we'd go out and I'd end up sucking the guy off, or letting him go down on me, or both ... and then we'd fuck really hard! But I was always pretending it was Stud! and not my boyfriend I was with, and I kept wondering why my dog wouldn't do anything with me.And then, a short time ago, it all became clear. I brought a guy home for a change, into the little apartment I shared with Stacy, since she was gone for the weekend. Usually we have a little rule about bringing guys around ... Don't! because once a guy gets in your apartment, they never leave. Ever notice that? Afterwards it's always "Let's go to your place, baby!" and we don't need that. But, with Stacy gone and this guy being so cute and his car being a motorcycle and his apartment being filled with his 23. Especially the times when I get the urge to simply kill myself, I think about how much you kept me from being the person I really am inside. Although your buying me a Raggedy Ann doll when I was little gave me hope that someday you'd understand me. Understand that even in my dreams when I'm asleep, I'm a girl.Even during potty training you might recall that I preferred to use to the public stalls and sit down to pee, even if I had to wait for a free stall. That is something I kept up right up to first grade. Then I only went standing when I had to.While I did play with matchbox cars and such, I preferred games of dress up with your high heels, make up when alone over games like backyard football. Feeling like a couldn't talk to you about my feelings at the time because I love you and knew it would of embarrassed you, I could never bring myself to ask for the canopied bed I wanted the first time you asked me to pick out a bed. Leaving me to settle for the bunk beds. I couldn't bring.
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