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” Ally whispered. ‘Yes, that, precisely. So you’ve seen that. It was meant to have a double meaning. Only the three of use—Miranda, Dennis, and I—would know that it symbolized a shame that was never forgotten rather than a love. She kept it out on her mantelpiece so that Dennis would see it whenever he came to where she was living. Very soon, though, he just stopped coming to where she lived.’ ‘So, when my mother came here to live . . .’ ‘. . . Dennis had to leave, to move back to Prague. He’s not an evil man, Ally. He just has a volatile temper and he’s also a very self-centered man. In my observation, most highly talented musicians, whether they are men or women, are the same. But it was an act of anger that was in part, at least, justified and understandable. ‘Miranda and I had been treating him shabbily—and we continued to treat him shabbily through the decades since then. We never broke our bond. Instead we broke his spirit. I had no idea, but obviously he loved me—or wanted to. They were totally dry and your nipples were not engorged and erect. You weren’t getting anything out of it. The pain didn’t give you sexual pleasure and there was no release. You don’t appear to be a masochist. This didn’t make sense, unless you are trying to hurt yourself or worse.”She looked up at me and said, “You sound like you are truly concerned about me.”“I am,” I replied. “Young girls– or guys– like you who are seeking pain for the sake of pain are often taken advantage of. You could very easily end up in a really terrible situation or worse.”“But I deserve the pain,” she said almost forcefully.“Why?” I asked.“I can tell you in the morning,” she answered.“What can I do to keep you from seeking more pain until then?” I asked.She looked at me very blankly and said, “You could take me home and make love to me... softly... gently... as if I didn’t deserve the pain.”There was a very loud “Clunk!” in the back of my mind. The box I had worked myself into had just dropped closed. I.
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