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“Mike let me know last night. You really think it’s Billy or Linda?”“It’s someone in Denver,” I said. “It’s not the lawyer, it’s not Sabrina’s parents and it’s not Mom. They’d all talk to me. Dad would tell me I was a disappointment and I should be over it by now. I’m not in contact with anyone else. They’re the last two people I even know from Denver.”“Why do you think they’re doing it?” she asked, picking her fork up and starting to eat again.“Probably to gloat,” I said. “They own my future, right? Every time I start to move on, they come back and take everything from me. First, Billy nearly kills me at a job site and then he makes me watch Sabrina die. Now the phone calls. I can’t move forward if I’m looking over my shoulder. I should have killed them when I had the chance. I might have gotten manslaughter instead of murder. With time off, I’d be out by now.”She frowned at the idea that they were doing this to keep me from recovering. “If I find out that’s what they’re doing,” she. Every time he began to have doubts about the divorce, all he had to do is recall the scene in that lounge, the scene of Esther and her paramour and he knew that his marriage was over. He had told her that it would be easier for him to live with regret than with suspicion, but that was such an oversimplification. Neither choice was ‘easy.’ Suspicion would have eventually destroyed him, but regret was turning him into a cold, bitter, terribly unhappy man. He was between the proverbial rock and a hard place – screwed regardless of choice. That’s the true tragedy of it all – if he hadn’t loved Esther as deeply as he did, the divorce would not have been as devastating. Perhaps he didn’t love her enough to fight for their marriage, perhaps he was a coward for walking away, or was it that he loved her too much and that was why he could forgive but couldn’t forget. John couldn’t fool himself, he loved Esther – would probably always love her. He just couldn’t forget her betrayal..
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