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I had meant to share it with him, but now … it was a dry oloroso. Good sherry was one of my vices. I poured a healthy glass and, putting a CD by Julie London on, I went to bed early. I listened to her singing, ‘Cry Me a River’ and that’s sure what I felt like doing – crying a river of tears. As I lay there I realized I had put my ghosts to bed forever. Jerry had been hurt, he might have been killed. I felt his pain, but it was his pain, not mine. What hurt me was that when something actually did happen to him — I wasn’t there to support him. When he needed me, really needed me, I wasn’t there. That was my shame and I had to find a way to make it right with him. I knew he loved me still – although I sometimes wondered why. I had been such a bitch. I had to find a way to make things right with him. It was going to be hard for him to leave his chosen life and I wanted to walk beside him on the journey, hand in hand, step by step. Maybe it was the wine or maybe it was the new clarity of. “Make sure the helm gets the data on the debris. I see two asteroid fields,” I said.“How big and dense?” Blaine asked. “And where?”“One is right about where Venus orbits Sol,” I said.“Huh?” Blaine asked.“Officially the star in our home system is called Sol. It’s rarely used, but that is the official name,” I said.“So about Venus’s orbit. How close is that to the star?” Blaine asked.“Closer than we’ll probably need to go,” I said. “I expect if we find the Sa’arm they will be around one of the two planets that might be able to host life, or looking at asteroid belts near the edge of the system.”“Which is where the other one is,” Chaz said. “It’s not very dense, but if I can believe the information available, if all of the debris manages to eventually come together, this planet would have a diameter more than twice what Earth’s is. Its not close to the star though.”“So we’ll run into that early,” I said. “Chaz, make sure you have the sensors ready for breakout. Don’t be afraid to launch.
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