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His hands glide about my tummy and I turn, letting him nuzzle my neck, my chin, cheeks, forehead, hair and then our lips connect and we kiss deeply, my own hands insistedly feeling his body, pulling him closer all the while trying hard to appear the confident person I usually am but wanting nothing more than to be naked and vulnerable before him. Endeavouring to be in control I take him by the hand and lead him to the lounge where he places a chair in the middle of the room and asks me gently to lie over his knees all the time calming me and assuring me if I want to stop I only have to say. He caresses my bottom over my dress, patting it gently and then starts to slap it, not hard but firmly and assuredly, his palm cupping my cheeks. He alternates his swats, right and left, across the middle down to the top of my thighs, they don’t feel terribly hard, but they increasingly leave a sting and I find myself gasping and squirming with every smack. He pulls up my dress, my panties are. He asked, “Why are you crying you have such a nice car?” and the man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates.”Phone Operator: “G’day mate ... Helpline here ... What’s theproblem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stungon her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went golfing.A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and raninto the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of herlungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff ormountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he’s sending a friend over to look at a horse. His.
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