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When I think of how I almost lost you, I cringe at what passed. I know you say you forgive me, but I just need you to know what happened. To know why it came to pass. I will never let you go, but you still need to know what happened. My days blurred together so if I look back now, it seems as if they were a kaleidoscope, the edges running together while individual pieces stood out. Sitting on the porch with Tom, listening as he talked about his mail route. The heat from his fingers as he would slip his hand along the edge of my stocking. The burn of the gin as I sipped it. We never discussed the party again, but it was there with us every day. I helped Mother: cleaned the house, mended, cooked dinner. She never pressed me, but I think she knew something was wrong. We worked in silence, as the days passed, and she didn’t nag at me for wool gathering as she normally might. Maybe it was Doris’ absence that tipped her off. When she showed up the first time, after two weeks, Mother sent. Considering that the Counsel’s office was leaking like a sieve, if he had admitted to it, it would have been on the news before he had managed to get home.Meanwhile Ken Starr kept digging. He wasn’t just investigating Bill; he was also investigating Hillary. The odds were that he was also investigating Chelsea. Considering she was only seventeen at the time, that seemed rather a pointless gesture, but I heard a whisper regardless. This was dragging on interminably. John Boehner told me that Newt was timing the whole thing so that it was going to conclude about the time of the mid-term elections.John was still a friend and still talking to me, though he knew that Newt didn’t approve of that. John made up for it by going along with Gingrich on everything else. We were sitting in my home office in December of 1997, having a few drinks and talking shop one night. He was giving me Newt’s plans, since I was no longer in the inner circle.I listened and nodded, and then asked him, “John, let.
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