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In his most recent letter, he conveys to still care for me and wishes to remain, friends, as we had originally intended. As tempting as this offer is, I cannot seem to fight off the desire for something more. In addition to this hopeless love that I feel, I find myself seething with anger at the fact that not once yet has he said anything to the effect of "I love you" or "I still love you." When it seemed to be no problem for him to express it in secret before. Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen in the first place. I feel so foolish for having allowed myself to be caught up in a tangled web that only turned out to be full of lies and unrealistic dreams and expectations. As hard has it is to explain and in spite of all the hurt he has caused, I still believe that he is the person I am meant to. I even felt him coming, I felt it hot, all over my legs. It scared me but also felt incredibly sexy, the sheer fact I could make even a dog come.Half of me did want him to stop, but my sexy 'wicked slut' side wanted him to carry on, even keep trying to fuck me, I don't think I would have gone so far as to let him but I just felt so sexually powerful knowing I'd aroused him so much sexually, the shuddering thought was,"God, I'm giving off such strong sexual vibes I've even turned a dog on. He can tell how much I want sex, I'm a bitch on heat to him. He knows I'm horny and just wants to fuck me!"Suddenly it dawned on me that Bill was a highly trained dog, he wouldn't have 'dared' show me the aggression he was doing unless it was part of a usual sexual routine that he knew.He wouldn't suddenly decide he wanted to fuck me, I realised he must have done it before!I remembered that as I had watched through the window he had tried to jump up once onto my Aunt and she had just stopped him.
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