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Not the angry sort of mad, just the annoyed sort. ‘I’m sorry for being that guy who spends more time with you than I do on my own! I’m sorry for always being there when you needed me! I’m sorry for remembering every single little fucking occasion you ever think of celebrating! I’m sorry for reading every word you’ve ever written!’ he rages and sputters rain at me. ‘I’m sorry for all this time… all this fucking time. All this… time….’ he chokes these last words quietly. I just stare at him because I have no defence. ‘You can’t have all of me this way any more, Ella. I just can’t do it.’ He looks broken standing there in the rain. I broke Ben. All these years and I thought things were perfect and all it was was perfect for me. I feel so selfish, because even now I don’t want him to go. Can’t let him go. He can’t go. I stand and approach him. When he’s close I feel his warmth like a halo around him. And I need that warmth and I can’t imagine not having it. ‘I think I need you to kiss me. “Because she is blond.” Miranda replies stealing my water bottle. “And she has big tits and a head full of spitefulness and air.” As if on cue Devin reaches for Sarah’s chest much as he had mine just the night before. I feel a spike of anger in the center of my heart. Doesn't he know that I can see him? That I would be jealous?“Haws! Jacobs! Get your asses on the track!” Coach calls snapping me out of my thoughts. I shrug off my vest and begin to run the mandatory four miles. I am distracted the whole time and I do my best to keep out of my thoughts but soon find that outrunning them isn't really a possibility. "Haws!" Coach calls across the field. "Pick up your speed!" I glare at him and from the corner of my eye I see Devin look up at his last name being called. Sarah has her hands under his shirt and he looks at me and our eyes meet. I glare at him but am too far away for him to notice, but he must know that I'm not happy because he takes Sarah's hand and they walk back towards.
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