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Alan smiled as he prepared his self for the surprise that he was sure the mind was going to receive. Again there was an almost audible gasp, the mind told Alan. Alan took a deep breath as he opened the door. On the other side he saw a huge bed though what was on in resembled nothing that could be called a human any longer. It appeared to have possibly been human at one time though now every part of it was twisted and misshapen. Parts were still charred with a great many that seemed to be missing. the now sad mind said. Alan replied. With a chuckle the mass of broken, charred, twisted, misshapen flesh was silent as they both told the others. It was almost two hours later that Alan stopped with his examination of the mass. There had been an extremely huge amount of the DNA that had been rewritten. Finally understanding Alan told Helga, Alan told her the regret heavy in his thoughts. Helga's thoughts said. "Really Alan," Angelika spoke up. "You are far too hard on. Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM.
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