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He took my virginity and it hurt like hell, I was dry ‘cos the guy didn’t attract me at all. After that I went back to the pub every night and went home with different guy, I learnt to nip to the loo and apply a generous glob of lube to my pussy before we went back to his place to fuck. I can’t quite decide now whether I was searching for someone that could make me feel like I wasn’t some kind of lesbian freak, or if I was trying to lose myself. I do know I didn’t take care of myself during that time, I was on the pill and I didn’t get the guy to wear a rubber. I know I risked catching some STDs but I didn’t care, I was sliding into oblivion and I was welcoming it with open arms.I’ll never forget the look of disappointment on my mother’s face when I got home one night, I suppose I had been in slut mode for almost a year by then. That night as I closed the front door as quietly as I could I saw the kitchen light was on, mum was sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me.“Axel, we. I am how do I put this enthralled amazed completely head over heels for him. We met up at the coffee shop. He was already there our eyes met the second I came in the door. Fuck. Me. He is perfect. He said he could tell I was nervous and started asking me all sorts of questions about the things I like stuff like that. He wanted to know how I found his page and shibari. The more questions he asked about personal things the wetter I got. I was squeezing my thighs together under the table. He eventually asked if I would like to see some of his photos in person and the equipment, he had it all at his room. I couldn't and still can't believe it. We got back to his room and he told me to sit on the bed. He then proceeded to show me so many amazing rig set ups and photos, oh how I would give anything to be one of those girls in his photos. I asked if he could show me some of the ties, he didn't think I was ready and didn't want to push me. Please I begged over and over just show me and that.
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