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Or at least, it must be…it has to be. It’s all I believe in anymore. Aside from the life-changing and heart-crushing power of it, though, I want the small things that go along with giving your soul to another person. I want to go to sleep with somebody beside me who won’t be gone in the morning. I want to share cigarettes and coffee, watch old movies and hold hands in parks. I want somebody to touch my cheek and tell me they love me, and mean it with everything that they are. I want hugs that last for hours until we both fall asleep. I want kisses that make me feel so much I could cry. And I do cry thinking about it, this love I’ll probably never have. You’ve always told me that love must be like a hurricane, sweeping away everything safe and leaving you exposed, with only trust protecting you. I think that’s the best description I’ve ever heard…and I’m strangely jealous that you have a better idea of it than I do, and that you said it with such conviction. Like you already knew. Both their faces took on expressions of shock and horror."No, not that. I'm having no second thoughts about the marriage, just the wedding."Their relief was almost comical. Then Sunny got a suspicious look in her eyes."No. I didn't do that on purpose. I think I can give you a good idea pretty quickly. The guest list has reached eleven hundred seventy-three and that's with my Mom trying to keep it down, not so much because they care about cost, but if it gets much bigger they're going to have to try to get the Convention Center. No place else will be big enough."I used a calculator. If I spend just ten seconds with each guest, that's over three hours and fifteen minutes just saying thank you for coming."Then there's table duty. I have to do the grand tour. 'Are you having a good time? Oh, yes, we're leaving tomorrow for a fun-filled week in Camden. Yes, the salad was amazing. Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. The dishes are perfect. We now have enough to have a small.
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