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'You still have to teach me some ofthat classic rubbish,' I said lightly, trying to brighten themood.At least that generated a small laugh. 'And you teach me jazz?' 'Anytime.' The next day, there were still a few photographers remaining,still taking pictures and I wondered if they would ever go away. 'Probably not,' Fiona said in that clipped voice, 'I thinkeditors have decided that you are news worthy, but especiallymore so if they can catch you with a bloke. I think you'd betterget used to it or move from London.' 'That's a bit drastic, isn't it?' 'Or kiss a bloke, get it on the front pages and then it will beold news. ' 'Kiss a bloke for photographers!' 'Kiss another one after that and there won't be a photographerfor miles, it will be boring news. They'll just say, - theregoes that Liz Grey, snogging another bloke!' 'Fiona!' 'I could arrange it,' she said slyly. 'Didn't Kiefer say he'd beback for a second kiss?' I ignored that. 'I just want to live a normal life, Fiona.' 'Look,. Under a clear blue sky out in God’s country, a 14-year-old tilled the soil and contemplated the meaning of life. You don’t often think too far ahead as a teen, but you have some sort of inkling of the direction your life might take someday. You have some aspirations of a career, marriage, kids, the picket fence and the big white house. All that had been wiped from my mind on Christmas Day. I no longer had that compass at the back of my mind driving me on to some predetermined life goals. I’d gone into a shell and simply existed for a few months. I didn’t think deeply because I couldn’t bear to.This time alone in the tractor allowed such deep thinking again. I wasn’t in all that pain anymore. What was marriage? Did I want to marry someone someday? I loved my parents, and they seemed to have a pretty good marriage. Their focus seemed to be on keeping the farm going and raising two kids without messing them up too much. My own compass was pointed in that same direction not all that long.
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