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"It really is that simple," she says. "Trust me. Just close your eyes and jump. The hardest part is letting go of what you know just because you're afraid that whatever comes next might suck worse."Nicole studies my face with a disarmingly sincere expression, and I have to resist the impulse to reach out and run my hand through her hair. Instead, my fingers seek refuge with my wine glass once again, and I take another sip."Try out something new," she says. "Not just work, I mean. Go and hang out with some amateur theatre group. I'm sure they have those in Boston, too. Try some acting, or singing, or dancing." Sure thing," I laugh. "I don't have an artistic bone in my body." Bullshit," Nicole says. "Everybody does. You spend some time with the most boring person you know, they'll surprise the hell out of you sooner or later with something they can do well. It might be something totally dorky, or trivial, like being able to make little animals out of pipe cleaners or blowing that stupid. So I imagine it will be a lot for you to handle, if you're not used to watching that type of thing. Q: What are your plans for the future?A: I try to stay in the present, as much as I can. Like, the folks in the biz who overdose or kill themselves, I think they did it cause they looked too much into the future. I'll be thirty-three in a couple of months. I don't know how long I can keep this up. With all the violent sex and self-abuse and drinking and drugs and smoking and eating disorders, something's gonna give in eventually. I talked to this shrink a few times and she said I have a death wish. Maybe. I'll keep going as long as I can. Like, so far I've played, when we're doing fake incest porn, I've been playing daughter roles and sister roles. Maybe in a few years I'll be doing mommy roles. Maybe I'll get milf status. I don't know, but I can't think too much of the future. It's dangerous. For the near future, I plan to have a bit of a detox after tonight's show. I've been drinking.
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