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I reminded myself that this was supposed to be the best piercing salon in all of New York, and it would be well worth the price. After I had paid for everything, Emmanuel directed me to walk up the stairs and sit on the couch. Your piercer will be right out, your jewelry is just being sterilized. I waited on the couch, palms sweaty and knees weak, waiting for my piercer. I sat there imagining the most terrifying man in the world. He would be 65 and over 200 pounds. Hed be bald and covered with tattoos from head to toe. Hed have gauges the size of my head, and he definitely wouldnt be gentle. I was scared shitless as this point. I tried to tell myself I was at the point of no return, but a part of me was trying to convince myself that I could still back out if I really wanted to. After internally arguing with myself for a minute, a man who was just a few inches taller and not much heavier than me walked out. Hi, Im Ben, and Ill be your piercer today. Ben was pale, with a thick mop. I'm wrong." What do you mean?" Shell people are not supposed to think about their physical bodies." That's right." But I have been." But ... why?"I sighed."It's hard to explain. But I think that in some fundamental part of me,I'm a girl. But I can never be seen as one."For a while afterward, there was silence.Then Helva said, "When I first decided I wanted to sing, someone mighthave told me it was impossible. Yet I found a way. Can you find a way tobe seen as a girl? What makes me a girl that you can't do?"Her saying that cut through my pity-party and got me thinking like ashell-person again."I ... could just ask them to call me by a female name? Use femalepronouns?" You certainly could." But would they do it?" They might. I mean, its not like its a big deal. You're just asking fora little kindness, a little respect, and it really costs them nothing todo so. Plus, I'll add my voice to yours." You ... will?" Why wouldn't I? But you better have a female name ready if you want themto.
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