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You never seem to chat on the phone. Ha, your a loner."I gave a half-smile at the last part. "You know me, I'm just chill. I don't need any of that shit distracting me." Oh bull, we all need it. I need it in the shower every night. Just me, my hand, and the soap." He burst out laughing at this point. "HA but seriously, your'e a friggin preist." Oh I'm far from that" I said somewhat sheepishly. It stung to feel like a gay pariah and his comments just brought up a lot of bad memories of senior year.."No shit. What are you gay?" He wasn't being a dick or anything but at this moment, I wanted to slap him across the face. Funny, gay guy slaps instead of hits.... but anyways..."Honestly Mark, I probably should have told you this at the beginning of the quarter, but I am gay. Don't get me wrong, It's not like I've been creeping on you or anything."Mark stopped walking and turned to me. "Shit man, I'm sorry about what I said. It's totally cool. There were some cool gay guys at my high. . ? Where am I? WHERE AM I? Awake.I was not expecting what I saw when I opened my eyes. I certainly wasn't in my bed. Light filtered through green curtains into a small room. I was wearing jeans and a blouse with an itchy collar and my bra felt too tight. Was the room really rocking, or was it all in my head? Same for that deep throbbing noise – was that real too?I tried to remember. I tried to remember anything. Then the knot in my stomach came back and I wished I could have unremembered for a few minutes longer.But it came tumbling in on me. That night. I shook my head to keep those memories away. That bastard. I let myself remember making my decision, though. Taking the pills, then realizing that it was not going to be enough. If two are prescribed for sleep, four weren't going to, like, kill ... So I'd thought of the bridge. The hurried walk, standing there, getting ready to jump, and then...And then what?Was I even still alive? Unfortunately, I felt alive. In fact, I felt alive.
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