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You have a fine woman there...I would’ve liked to tell Kristal good bye.” When I suggested he still could tell her goodbye, a look of confusion took over. So, I said very directly, “Roger, would you like to share my wife with me tonight?” A look of recognition replaced the look of confusion, and his awkwardness returned as he stammered, “I’ve never done anything like that before...I wouldn’t know what to do.” I responded, “We’ve never done anything like this either, though it’s been discussed for many years. And I’m sure you’d figure out what to do pretty damned quick. Aren’t there things you’ve always wanted to try with a woman? Now could be your chance. With the mood she’s in...I don’t think there’s much she’d say no to...”. He looked thoughtful for a moment, his mind turning...and then simply said, “can we go now?”Roger and I made a hasty exit from the bar. Halfway up to the room he stopped and said, “oh...do we need to get condoms?” I told him, “No, she’s had her tubes tied, and. At any moment, either of us could stop this, lend an ear to a suspicious voice cloaked in smug judgment, take that step back and lose the contact. And in thinking of this, I take a deeper breath, force these memories to sear themselves into my mind, absorbing every single second that I stand here, desperate not to forget any part of this. I float back to the surface, your warm, soft words flowing around me still. I try to refocus on the conversation, the wall, any required responses that I need to offer. Have I been caught? Do you know where I am as you sit there, offering your friendship, your conversation? Can you read my eyes? Can you hear my heart beating differently? I realize that I’m holding my breath as I check your eyes and face for discovery. Am I safe? I spiral back into what I can only hope is the future. I can feel your breath in my hair, your face is tilted down toward the top of my head as I stare into the darkened fabric of your shirt, my eyes wide open. Why am I.
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