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"I put his mind at rest," Dad continued, "he'll be here in an hour to pick you up. You'd better go and pack all your things because I don't want you within a mile of this house again!"She tried to sweet-talk him into changing his mind, but the blinkers had been torn from his eyes and he would have none of her sugary words; even her tears didn't affect him and she retreated sobbing to pack her bags. Then my father turned his attention to me, I gulped in anticipation of his outburst."Go to your room Lisa." He said quietly then turned away from me.Stunned I watched him trudge into the living room; with a sob I ran up to my room and threw myself on my bed. I'd been ready for anything but that quiet dismissal, it had hurt me more than a thousand sharp words would have done. In my heart I knew that he didn't love me any more and I sobbed into my pillow desolately. Some time later I heard my step-mother going down the stairs, pleading and wailing at my father to let her stay, not to throw. We went to what was a new gay bar called Christopher street after a string of other bars. We were 3 sheets to the wind when we got there. He wanted to dance and so smittened by him I did. That is one of the best memories of Johnny and me dancing together we fell on the floor because when one is so wasted on liquor the floor can be such a slippery place. In reality we were friends. I wanted so much more than I got. I had to settle for the friendship because he was too afraid to leave his nasty partner. I would have taken better care of him. He would still be alive today if the very first time when I was 21 we met at Carols Speakeasy. I was homeless then. I wanted the gay world but had to be so careful then. It was so in style to turn a closeted guy in then and nobody cared why he was that way. I needed responsible men but the 1980s everyone thought being a slut was such a good thing IT WASN'T Most of them are dead now. Men I would considder family I spent Thanksgiving with. I used to.
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