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But Nana was gone. Had been gone for over twenty years. A life time. An eternity…or so it seemed. She picked up a pink bow and sewed it about the tiny hole where the neck would be. She fiddled with it for several impossibly long moments. It had to be perfect. It just had to be. Nothing else would do. Perfection. ‘Good girl.’ The words echoed off the sides of her mind. Bounced for an eternity from neuron to neuron. How many times had she heard those words? Had many times had her Nana praised her for being her ‘good little girl?’ When she sat so still in church. When she sat her peas. Even when she just waited patiently for her to finish her doll’s dress. She placed the final stitch that would hold the bow in place. She knew that it would not last forever. Would not hold through all time. Nothing ever did. And no matter how good a girl you were, it was never enough. People came and they went. Things changed. Time moved on. Just like the wheels and gears that turned the peddle of. " I haven't finished that exam yet. It's not too late to add delusional, you know."She huffed good naturedly, "Curtis is going to be very cross with you--I've had two meals with you before I've had one with him." The heart of the matter! And how are we feeling about Mr. Persistent this morning?" I've already spoken to him. He and the 2nd period geometry class called to wish me well." That was nice." It was. We couldn't talk personally, of course, but I felt ok afterward. I just needed a moment to catch my breath, I guess. Like you said, it was an Almost and I hadn't quite shaken it off." You spent a long time punishing yourself over your feelings about him." I didn't ever think it through. I just panicked and tried to deny the whole thing. I guess it just didn't occur to me that I over reacting a bit. If I had talked to someone about it then, I could have saved myself a lot of grief, could I?" It usually works that way. So why do you feel different about it today? What changed?" I'm.
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